An ‘Exit Strategy’, by definition is a pre-planned means of extricating oneself from a situation that is likely to become difficult or unpleasant. That is, according to Google dictionary but this rings true to anyone who is on top of their life enough to have an exit strategy for most questionable, pending situations or even pendently questionable ones. Having an exit strategy is one of the smartest things you can do for yourself in many circumstances; in business, while dating, or if you perhaps naturally lean towards the more introverted side of the scale, then you best get on top of your discreetly-slipping-out-of-the-room shuffle quick-stat. It is becoming more obvious today that we need to start planning for our long-run exit strategy, the lever that we’ll pull when the zombie outbreak comes. Because being a step ahead of the crowd will always keep your head above the clouds.

This year has stirred up stormy waters with major political decisions shocking the world, posing great uncertainty for our future, along with macabre weather on the rise thanks to the overheating of our planet. But let me remind you that the silver that lines the clouds ahead is the beauty of love and humanity itself. We have love to motivate and propel us through the strangeness that clouds our path. We can use our love and the goodness that exists in our strange Universe to push forward. That is something that will never change, and we can find comfort in this always.

So lets run you through the Ponytail-approved Zombie Escape plan for the 21st Century human.

Look at all the dangers that are immediately threatening your wellbeing. Things like pollution, the chemical and biological toxins in our food; trace metals, diseases, and other pollutants in our water; threats to our happiness; and threats to freedom are factors you should be considering. Making a list will put life into perspective, and these are essential factors of life that we sometimes tradeoff to perhaps climb a career ladder, or to attend to later on when in reality these are aspects of life we should be constantly in check of. When the zombies arrive, we can’t put them on hold while we try to advance our careers or get rich, or they will probably eat you. Because zombies don’t care about these things.

Are you living over your means? Is your home your happy place or is it something to show off to the world? Zombies don’t give two hoots about how flashy your home is, and if it doesn’t have heating in cold months, zombie-proof security, and a functional layout that can be self sufficient during tough times, you’re as good as d-e-d. Choose shelter away from dense masses of people, with its own natural food source, and landscape that acts as a first line of defence. You do know that zombies can’t swim or climb right?

Special sources say that scientists from the future figured out that GMO foods and chemical fertilisers are largely responsible for sparking our future zombie pandemic. They tried to go back in time to warn us but 21st Century humanity just can’t seem to get the message. Your duty as a pre-outbreak escapee is to watch what you’re eating. Choose only naturally raised foods, not flown half way across the world, and not the kind that is full of numbers in its ingredient list. The Zombie virus doesn’t do well in bodies that are clean of these toxic ingredients that are named with numbers. If you can live off food that has been grown as local as possible, that has not been genetically modified, nor raised by large-scale commercial agricultural practices, then you have a fighting chance at fighting the zombie virus.

We also need to conserve healthy stocks of wild protein – especially in the ocean because you may end up living on house boats in the ocean like the 1995 Nicolas Cage movie ‘Waterworld’. The most prepared of us will start opening their minds to eating bugs, live, cooked, and however best tolerated. In Asia, many eat them marinated and deep fried… they taste like prawns this way.

Last but not least, we must always remind ourselves that there is so much beauty and good in the world. Love and goodness will always see us through. Let love be your motivating force for staying alive and pushing forward.

/ Words and Illustrations by Lauren /